Day 2
Brené Brown talks about this phenomenon in conferences called “Day 2”. If I could crudely re-explain, it’s the slump that occurs in the second day of any gathering. She says “the middle is messy, but it’s also where all the magic happens… all the tension that creates goodness and learning” and connected it to concepts in leading and understanding group processes.
Day 2 is uncomfortable. It is a reminder that we have begun something, yet we do not fully understand what that means. So here I am. This post is my day 2 in this project. All discomfort and tension and wanting to say the right things. I have re-written this so many times that I’ve forgotten how I intended for all this to go.
I suppose that is the beauty of being in the midst of something new. Whether it’s a job, a hobby, a project, or relationship, the middle is unsure of itself. It’s the gawky awkward teenager within us all that we carry with us at all times. The middle is the journey to achieving something special that is yours to do whatever you wish. My middle has been steadily whispering to me with an ask “Dig deep and be proud of your achievements.” So after steadily ignoring the whisper for the better part of a year, I finally sat myself down to do some reflection on exactly what I have spent the last decade doing.
I have 8 years of experience in non-profits, nearly two years of post-masters experience in management, and 3 years of counseling/therapy practice under my belt. I took seminars, workshops, certificate programs, and trainings. I lived and worked in 4 different states. I stayed alive and I thrived in some places, and I struggled and failed in others. I learned so much and I grew in directions I never imagined possible. I made mistakes, gained incredible relationships and lost connections with some people. Most importantly, I never stopped trying. There were definitely times where giving up felt a real option, and I am so grateful that past me knew that present me would have the capacity for so much more than I could have ever imagined.
Failure is always an option. I spent most of my childhood failing. Failing classes, failing relationships, failing trust, failing myself. As I gained more experience in failing, I learned to frame failure as an opportunity instead of an inherent fault within myself. Anyone who has failed, knows this struggle of balancing shame and guilt, and the inevitable string that we connect directly to our self-worth. It takes time to practice self-love, gratitude, and building your confidence when your worthiness is dictated by your failures, rather than the amount of times you’ve tried again and again.
I still have failures, and I imagine that I’ll experience many more in this lifetime, which is so exciting to me. Because it’s those moments which remind me that I am still in the messy, and magical, middle.
